


Handcuffs

by badlandsxphan



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-12
Updated: 2018-07-12
Packaged: 2019-06-09 13:46:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15268764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badlandsxphan/pseuds/badlandsxphan
Summary: Please know I wrote this when I was 16 and I'm now 19 lmao I can actually write now.





	Handcuffs

**Author's Note:**

> Please know I wrote this when I was 16 and I'm now 19 lmao I can actually write now.

“I’m so sorry Phil” Dan whispered as he crawled out of the bed he and Phil shared. He placed a small kiss on Phil’s forehead and tears started to brim his eyes. He tried to blink back the clear gems that expressed his discontent. Dan knew what he was doing and he knew he’d be leaving Phil, the only person he’d ever loved. He swiftly turned on his heel and started to walk towards the bedroom door. Once making it out of the bedroom Dan let his tears flow down his face in a paced fashion. He looked around for his car keys and headed out the flat door. Upon reaching his car another wave of tears struck him. He got into the car and put his head to the wheel overcome by emotion and regret at not doing this sooner.

Dan looked down at his arms that were placed over his stomach, tiny white lines laced his arms. Phil had help him overcome what those little lines expressed, or so he thought. Phil had seen the good and bad in Dan and only chose to see the good. Dan knew he was hurting Phil with what he was about to do. But he knew Phil was strong enough to get over him.

Dan started the car as the engine revved to life. He slowly started going down their street, the dashboard clock read 3:48am. Dan hoped nobody would see him and he could just do this swiftly and get it over with. Dan drove until he saw the bridge. He slowly pulled over and got out of the car and walked over to the edge. “Do it.” The voice in his head screamed at him as he got closer and closer to the edge. The tears started flowing once again as Dan thought of Phil. He loved Phil and he never wanted to hurt him. With one swift movement he did it. He jumped off the bridge into the shallow river below him. It didn’t hurt, he didn’t feel anything. He felt at peace.

Phil awoke to a banging at the door. He gathered himself and made his way to the flats front door, only to be greeted by blank faced police officers. “Are you Phil Lester?” The tall and blond headed cop spoke. “Yea, whats this about.” Phil said confused and concerned. “Daniel Howell lived here correct?” the same police officer spoke. “What do you mean lived, what’s happened to him.” Phil said with tears threatening to fall. “His body was found in the river, his car was parked close by, it appears to have been suicide.” The other police officer spoke just as casually. Phil fell onto the floor tears flowing down his face as fast as the earth spun.

Phil laid on the floor till the day of Dan’s funeral. He had no idea how he’d get through the day ahead of him. Surrounded by people who loved Dan, by not as much as he did. Dan oh his wondrous and awkward Dan. Phil didn’t know how to live without him making jokes every forty seconds and cuddling at night just speaking in whispers so the rest of the world wouldn’t hear them. Phil knew he’d never love anybody as much as he loved Dan. His little Dan.

Everybody could see how much of a wreck Phil was without Dan. He didn’t speak to anyone and his eyes were bloodshot, cheeks stained with tears. Dan wasn’t just a friend to Phil, he was Phil’s whole world. Everything revolved around Dan if you asked Phil. Phil has saved Dan so many years before when the spoke through skype with hushed voiced and loving gestures. Phil knew he loved Dan from the first day they met back in 2009. Phil knew Dan hated himself, hated everything about himself. Phil loved every single thing about Dan. His dimples and freckles that formed constellations if you looked well enough. Dan loved Phil but never himself. Phil could remember the day he found the tiny white lines going across Dan’s arms. “I love you please don’t do this to yourself I’ll help you through this i promise.” He said to then 18 year old Dan. He thought Dan had gotten better and he blamed himself for not seeing it sooner. The nights where he’d wake up crying out to Phil. Phil should have known something was wrong but he didn’t see the signs in time to stop what an had been planning to do since he was 16 years old. Phil knew he couldn’t bring Dan back and that’s what upset him the most. He’d never see his beautiful smile again or tell really dumb jokes just to get him to giggle. The most precious boy Phil had ever known; Phil had let him slip through his fingertips.

The day was filled with sad glanced towards Phil, he hated that he felt like it was his fault. He knew everybody in the room blamed Phil for letting Dan slip through without any warning. Phil knew what he’d have to do to make this right. He needed to be with Dan he knew that was the only way. The preacher spoke but Phil didn’t hear it, all he could think of was his awkward little Dan talking about their wedding that would someday be in this little church on a hill. After the service Phil went and sat at Dan’s grave whispering he spoke “I’ll make this right Dan, I promise” he said with teary eyes. He got up and walked to his car and slowly drove around the city that he’d grown so attached to. He knew he had to go to where Dan had jumped into the river. After going down the little country road towards the bridge where the love of his life had ended his beautiful existence he finally understood what Dan was feeling.

Pain. Pain in your entire being. Pain with every breath that leaves your body. Phil understood why Dan ended his life now. He could imagine living any longer with with this agony in the pit of his being. As phil approached the bridge he felt a calm come over him. He realized that in only a few moments he’d see Dan again. With almost childlike excitement and stopped the car in the same place dan had just days before, and got out of the car and stood at the bridge. Phil slowly but swiftly jumped off the structure holding him up and fell to what his family would call his Romeo moment; his Juliet was dead and now he was to be with his star crossed lover.

Phil blinked to a white room, confused to where he was but then he saw him. Dan. He was with his little awkward Dan. His one true love, his partner in life, his entire being lit up at seeing Dan again. He moved to where Dan was standing and both the boys held each other and for the first time in what seemed like a lifetime Dan and Phil we’re both happy.


End file.
